Singularity

Between a hear beat we scale uncountable worlds,
where imaginations spring beyond bounds of the real,
a vision so supreme, we often discover,
a spark of life through love, uncovers,
where the rules of nature halt and bend
time implodes within and begins to burn,
realities collapse and all becomes one,
to wait, to seed another alive universe.
To preserve what has already been earned,
as a foundation is needed for every new world,
time wont exist, no measures will work,
in an undefined state, which can’t be put in words.
Infinity locked within a state, infernal,
where dreams of the gods last, eternal,
with illumination beyond uncountable suns,
a singularity will dream in its own image.
Between a heart beat new worlds would appear,
spreading all around like a million suns glare,
between a heart beat we always discover,
a singularity of dreams everlasting and eternal.

Thoughts on Depression

You wake up everyday with you head feeling like it’s about to explode. All the muscles seem to be filled with glue, they don’t react to your reflexes the way you want. The sun light pouring in feels like solid object, crushing you and you just feel like you want to cry. May be the welling tears would let off some of the glue in you muscles and you might achieve some kind of relief and move the way you used to in the good old days when you didn’t know how a strict authority crushes you. The restrictions in their excess did something to your neurons and now the entire brain is functioning to make you feel more miserable than you could bear.

This is what happens when we are depressed. I often struggle to learn the things I desire. But my methods of recall are not perfect. I just keep forgetting and try again from the start. Most of the time my entire body stays tensed, shoulders hunched as if discomfort makes me do that. After a lot of research I found out the cause of this and have been working my way to find a solution. You can’t fight yourself, neither can you find something which doesn’t exist in your knowledge base. It’s somewhat interesting to think how a powerful construct (our brain) can become self destructive. Positive thoughts feel like heavy objects, that reprogramming the self becomes a difficult thing. Especially when you are aware of the dysfunctions constantly running in you.

There are people who become aware of their breathing. Their jaws clench with suffocation, and the awareness works against the entire system causing a lack of oxygen, making them incapable of doing simple tasks because of the frustration and sadness caused by this entire episode. It’s not something you can get used to. To be among the normal people you have to fix it. That brings new complications. Our brains take in information. It never lets go any. If their is any physical tension then you wont be able to subside that loop of thought which is the source of the entire problem. I often used certain techniques to distract myself. Often focusing at 3 things simultaneously. But somehow the awareness reloads again, playing you in the same charade over and over.

Depression cripples the entire brain by firing neurons for wrong information. Things which you can’t bear because you are very sensitive. It opens doors for more miserable things. All the positivity goes out of the window. You get stuck in an endless loop churning your existence leading you to low self esteem. Suicidal thoughts echo side by side as their seems to be no hope of rescue. The negativity doesn’t allow you to believe if their is any exit from this self imprisonment. And that’s the reality of people suffering this modern epidemic. Tensed muscles sucking your energy at all times, panic attacks making things worse as you heart pounds and feels like it would tear off your ribcage and shoot out like a bullet, sweaty palms, cold hands and feet, discomfort around people, inability to mingle with people and many more uncomfortable things. You define yourself invisible and sit idle to pass this life which would probably take more than you can take it before you snap.

It makes you inept in recalling the great things you did in your life. It makes you forget small things of importance and you worry, that it might be Alzheimer. Ironic isn’t it? There is no way to snap out of it. Your personality gets stuck to the point where it all started. The scared child in strict environment, the person who lost the means of his/her definition. You just get stuck there and oblivious to that you crave to become normal like someone. Imitating their traits, becoming a personality thief. Unhappy all the time with a question. Why me?

But still, deep down you are the same person you have always been. Someone did smile because of you. Someone did want the special skill of your in their life. And many more achievements which could look small but help you realize that there is always a way out of it. Reach out for help, don’t just sit there. Search the internet for help. Go see a therapist. But most of all try harder to think positive. We are prone to make habits and negative thinking becomes a habit. You must realize that in a lot of places people aren’t even aware that they have depression, they are constantly blamed for lack of interest in anything and bullied because of it. No one gives a thought to understand them. Some choose narcotics to get a break, making things worse in turn. I keep trying to solve my situation with strong ideals I derived from my culture and morality. I try my best to keep my promises. It does help in boosting my willpower and defines me not just in my own image but in others as well. It’s unpleasant to begin with, but the loop must break. That’s the first step. Habits can be replaced by other habits, find a way to replace the negativity and make sure to share your tricks. There are a lot of us always looking for ways to break free from this prison.

Debt

Life is a one time gift, we realize this when affronted by loss and distress. Every single day is a struggle to catch up with the world. To get the stuff we saw in adverts or have seen our neighbors have it. Spending 40% of our lives to make a living like that or the next best thing, often with compromises. We never get time to think what we owe to ourselves. We keep going with the flow, buying time with money. The more we have it, our life becomes that much sweeter. That’s the whole constitution running this reality. A master rule hiding behind our daily rituals, yet governing our lives at every instant without fail. When we were kids our parents made up cute stories about how babies come into this world. We would discover the truth later, but tell something similar to what our parents told us, to the next generation. Although no one ever told us how life is supposed to be, (I don’t mean living a certain dream model)? What living actually means? We hear something, but is it the entire reality of life. We are fortunate to have love, family and friends, to help us get through the difficulties. It makes things easier for us by hiding the actual clockwork of our lives.

Today’s hectic world brought forth a lot of challenges for us. For people with less education, making a living is a time run of sorts, especially in the developing countries. There are people for whom acquiring a new skill is a luxury, they have to choose, to either work hard and live or take great risks in learning for better jobs. They often choose the former, because dreams are often better in sleep. Life is more like a product available in different stores, buy medicine for good health, fast recovery and more time, buy consoles and gadgets for relaxation and refreshment so we could start anew next day, buy food to get strength to make another day at the same trade, buy education to learn a skill, for the gifted and extraordinary education paves new ways of discovery to outrun failures and become something like a brand. I am not classifying a category of talent or gifts. We all are miracles if we look closer at ourselves. Our tolerance is what defines our reaches in future. There is a limit when it comes to struggles. Expectations bring frustration, which brings disorders and we give into it no matter how much resistance we put to thwart it. And that becomes a reality for most of us who grew up dreaming about a life shaped by our own hard work and dedication. We can’t buy time in exchange of less or nothing, there is always a price.

We are forever indebted somehow, in today’s world. We break at tough times, and recovery takes a lot of time in return. Time buys time, money buys time while we are always running in circles trying to define ourselves and reach our own styled nirvana. What do we really owe ourselves? The system we are in is flawed, we don’t have any better model to rectify the problems by comparison. The best things are always hidden withing the best. We can’t find something unidentified, yet we humans nonetheless are best, for having a life as a sentient being, for being able to stand up again. A one time gift if you will, as we are never really sure what happens to us when we die and become a memory for others. This debt based system has us. It’s how the fabric of our reality is. The cavemen also struggled just to buy one more day. Even the animals do that. And if you look closer, the unseen atom and vast celestial objects do that as well. It’s the supreme protocol of this universe. Move, acquire and buy time.

Sometimes it makes me wonder if we really are in a purgatory. Paying for something we did in the previous life. Who knows? Still, the best thing about all this is, that some of us do rise and get more resources to buy more time than they need. In turn making things better and getting more time to spend with family and friends. Love is the cure, a shroud to hide us from the knowledge of this debt based life we’ve got. We can’t really get away from this, because this is hard coded in everything. Debt is our reality and the idea of love is the spectacle to hide it from us. I believe, as a sentient being, love is the priceless resources which we owe ourselves. Then again, it’s just my belief, and I could be wrong.