What to do when you can’t find closure?

If you ask anyone about it, they mostly say, “move on”, “let it go” etc. and you know it’s easier said than done. Those unanswered questions, they always stay fresh, like termites borrowing deep inside wood. In our unrest we become cold and repulsive, and that’s when misunderstandings grow even more. Slowly the history of violence against you fades away. Everyday there’s something new questions pops up and the list of closure increases. Often some of us snap and take extreme steps. You know what I mean. We actually live the kind of a biblical hell, which is a part of mythology. Getting punished for attempting to find some form closure, for expecting understanding.

We humans are often very cruel. We realize it after being victimized. I’m not saying we reap what we sow thing. I mean in general. We are cruel because we know what pain is and often inflict it on others. The worst one we get from the ones we love and trust. It breaks us, takes our will to live, it’s actually similar to being eaten alive. Soon the effects of that sorrow become visible. Altering our brain structure as well. It keeps getting worse day by day.

In our lives we have been rejected, taken for granted, ridiculed, bullied, abused, picked on, disrespected, ignored, left for dead (sort of), forgotten, etc. The list will grow depending on person to person. If it were someone else doing some of the things mentioned, we might find courage some times, with the help of our loved ones, to forget all that and move on to live a healthy and happy life. The nightmare becomes real when our loved ones take that dark turn. I know I am being specific here, I could be wrong. Fire burns you when you get close to it. I have my fair share of questions waiting for some form of closure. My point is it hurts more when our faith is broken, when we are treated like things, specially by someone really important to us. And when they don’t give any explanation, it hurts more.

So how do we find closure from places we can’t find closure? There’s no such thing as justice, sometimes, injustice is rampant. What could we do when we are taken as a villain by everyone, even if it’s not our fault? We all know, we often never get answers. And being irrational creates problem. It’s not easy to quell the anger as well. But that’s the first thing we have to deal with. Alot of things I’ll say here which are easier said than done, I believe it’s for the best, worse also as it becomes an arena of sorts, where we face the survival of the fittest scenario.

Don’t let others definitions alter your own true version. Bad things will happen and being emotionally charged all the time won’t help. Don’t let people get to you. But don’t just stand as well. Respond with wits and goodwill. If they call you bad things, try to  respond without hatred. It’s not easy, doesn’t work often, but with practice it becomes a part of you. You might have heard “Think before you speak.” That’s your first step. Respond with clever things.

Anger actually isn’t bad, it helps you vent out bad things if used with mindful and controlled ways. Anger is an ancient response, to keep you focused on the most important thing that matters to you at that moment, be it survival or struggle. But anger does make you somewhat irrational. It depends person to person though. I used to break things, didn’t help. So when you are angry try to hold still, don’t let your logic and reason fly away. Again it’s not easy, but you can do it by trying to think something good, by trying to distract yourself, use a punching bag if you like, vent it out reasonably. If it’s towards a person and if that person is with you, don’t explode, “Think before you speak” or act. It will take time to become your natural response, don’t give up, even if you failed.

Patience is what we loose more, but it’s not something inherent unfortunately, it’s a behavior we forcefully exhibit. I may be wrong, for me patience is an infinite endurance, one which makes you formidable gradually.

So far I have shared the clichéd solutions with you, believe it or not, it’s the only way, or some sort of chemical reaction in your brain, which could happen, miracle stuff.

The most important thing is a positive attitude. If receiving closure becomes impractical then chances are you possess a negative attitude towards everything about your own self. That is the most subtle and dangerous thing which happens. You must realize, that you can’t achieve positivity by practicing good things in a negative mindset. Giving up, too much self criticism, inferiority complex won’t let you go, no matter how much you try. You didn’t get closure, it’s alright, you aren’t alone, if you did something bad you have been punished, don’t do it to yourself anymore, if you felt guilt, you gave respect to your victims, if you are misunderstood then chances are you tried talking, if it didn’t work then don’t beat yourself for it. May be it’s not the right time. And if you are being denied then you shouldn’t get stuck there. I’ve been there, am now as well, but I have realized, that the only person who could give me psychological harm is I am myself.

If you have found closure then you are lucky, if you didn’t, you aren’t unfortunate. Don’t let it alter your belief in you own. Believe in yourself, every emotion you have matters. You will realize it someday, that you do matter, it’s just you don’t always get to see or feel it your way. So if you fall, it’s ok, try again. Always stay connected to yourself. It’s not easy, it’s not at all easy, but it’s the only way. The closure you didn’t find elsewhere, you can find in yourself and in your beliefs. I wish you the best. One of these days we’ll make it and hopefully live the life we deserve.

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