An awkward letter to self 

Dear me,

I have no idea how to begin with this letter. I have no pre-planned context, whatever I am writing here is close to rambling. I have some things to clear though, a lot of which I don’t yet properly understand. We humans are this way, Oblivious at first, then aware about this oblivion later. Ironically never knowing ourselves properly. Sometimes it’s terrifying to think about the essence of things. We find ourselves, being processed in a dream, where we can’t properly recall the early memories and forget about everything near death. And you play a very important role there. 

It’s kind of funny, knowing that you are me, I use you for addressing myself. I guess it’s because of the contradiction you present with. I follow my interest and you counter me with reason. I often wonder why I acknowledged you in the first place. Was it because of a primal survival instinct, to put myself in a predator’s shoe like the crows do? Or is it because I was alone? We humans talk ourselves often, we rely on the second opinion for clarity. That empathy made us become social I believe. It’s fair to say that I am happy for having you.

But this also causes problems. I am often too lazy to listen to you, not because I am inherently lazy, it’s because I don’t agree with you. I follow my interest, like a bully I suppress you, which leaves me with nothing to do. I keep resisting you because I am afraid if I listen, I’ll be meaningless, I’ll be boring, doesn’t that show how unaware I am of this paradox. You and I create a personality built on contradiction and paradoxes. I blame myself for not listening to you, but you didn’t provide me with a non-threatening enlightenment either. The personality we made is often against us, because when I suppress you, I am running away from responsibilities, but when I do things without interest, I find this existence without color. I now know that this world is beyond the limits of instincts and pattern recognition, I have to be open to your suggestions as well. Reason and interest are often at odds with each other because this is a tough world we humans have developed. Our primal instinct for disliking things is not our mistake, it’s a hunter/prey psychology of millions of years. So you can see why it is difficult to follow reason. Reason breaks a delicate balance in our psyche, made of contradiction and paradox, stabilized by Interest, a state in comfort zone. We resist rapid change, for which we have gone at lengths to persecute people. You are a harbinger of rapid change, perhaps a final gift from nature, to take over our evolution away from nanatural selection. Who knows?But finally I am aware of the fact that I have to let you be in power in a perfect harmony with me. 

Please don’t be threatening in presenting Reason. I know you can do that. We share the same mind, and we know laziness and failure is a lack of understanding between us. If only we were in mutual agreement, things would have been a lot different, maybe awesome as well. There are a lot of people who are lead by Reason, they make great careers and change the world, although they seem boring at first. I have no interest in changing the world, as changing this personality for the better is hard enough already. So I am really sorry for being, you know, unreasonable. Please find a way to be in perfect harmony with me. My dearest me, I have great expectations from you.

________________

I am often struggling with Reason and Interest. I am a interest oriented person. Most of us are perhaps. My tasks are often abandoned midway, I even get hasty in thinking. We can’t solve problems related to necessity through Interest, at least not always, through reasoning we can solve every problem. So aware of this situation I often pretend to have such conversations with imaginary ‘me’. ‘Science-ing’ this problem recursively as science questions itself. I often learn cool things, it was an interesting insight to share with everyone. I hope this would resonate with you. 

The invisible thread

There was a time when I had a lot of anger issues, I often kept grudges for others. I often wished hurtful things for others. Now those memories come crashing down on my guilt space. That guilt is their because now I understand a beautiful language of no words and because I can see an invisible thread connecting us all. We aren’t born bad, though there are exception, but deep down we all are connected deeply some how, by an invisible thread of empathy and compassion. At an average, in my experience, we can see around 80 new faces per day, on a planet containing 7 billion people it’s impossible to connect with everyone or even see everyone. Taking into consideration a small city, it would take years, sometimes forever to see all the faces. Still, in old ages kings conquered unknown lands. Today nations strangle other nations, wars bring extermination, fanatics take lives of unknown people for who knows what reason? People discuss about such subjects online, often feel good about someone’s death, without even knowing them. People hurting people, people envious of people, but what’s more beautiful than the same people often crying at a sight, which their mind can’t decipher. The same people sharing the pain and joy and awe in unison. We often see that in action during sports, election, a calamity, protests, conventions and in a lot many gathering of sorts. What I love most is communicating with unknown people without words. Specially In traffic here at my city, probably everywhere, where everyone wants to go first, some curse, some dent other cars, but often some people humbly give a sign and a beautiful smile of both recognition and request and we let them pass returning the same respectful gesture. That invisible thread of empathy goes much deeper than we often realize. Nobody wants to be bad, neither in their own image nor in others view as well, even after doing or saying something bad, we still wish not to be judged. Things go bump when we put our pride upfront, commanding to be respected. That’s not the way how it works. Good and bad are just our choices of action and speech. We all would always stand on the crossroads while others get a chance to go about their destination and we stand and wait for the lights to turn green, then we’ll follow a similar track in good rhythm, abiding the traffic rules, moving carefully side by side with others, thinking not to nudge them and not to dent ourselves as well. We’ll fight and argue with some people in disagreement at the same time we’ll admire, empathise and be respectful to others. Often we’ll call out if someone drops something, we’ll ship their things if they lost in transit. Our choices.
It’s not hard to put ourselves in others shoe. It’s a gift we all have in common, that’s why we often love the same things, we cry over others loss and do our best to aid an unknown person if needed. There are bad people in this world, who put themselves prior to others. There are those who have dysfunctions in their mind, which makes them do horrible things. But most of the time we’ll always spread the infection of smile to others over the tiny things which really matter. I’ve very few friends, but those who I have are my earnings in life. The world is too big, I can never see and know all the 7 billion people, but if I meet any of them, I know they too understand that language of no words.
Bowing to a good authority is not weakness, doing small things to cheer up someone is a thing of beauty. As we all crave for recognition, we can get that if we resonate the same way. Words are our tools, we can build anything with them, some would hurt and bring us enemies, some would help us earn some good people in our lives, whose stories will make us laugh and teach us a thing or two. The magic of empathy can be easily seen on the road while driving. Driving to a destination has both real life and philosophical meanings. We can learn great deal of good things by the simplicity of this world. Now I’ve taken down my short temper, for the 7 billion I can always be respectful and for the few I’ve earned, I will always be with them and I would do everything in my power to help and protect them if need be. As those few in my life have made me see the invisible thread of empathy and compassion, which connects us all beyond borders and barriers of language. Theses views are my own, I may be wrong, but being respectful to others never hurt my pride. I feel more human now than before, when I used to hate unknown people for no reason at all.