Cosmic horrors of our world

I’m an avid reader of stories themed around cosmic horror, where our existence is so insignificant, that it doesn’t matter if anything unthinkable happens to us. That always makes me wonder about some form of justice to provide some closure, unfortunately, there isn’t one. The most unthinkable deeds are a design of humans, incidents which violate us emotionally, make us feel ashamed and helpless to be aware that there was nothing we could do.

Disclaimer : What I’m writing here is not meant to hurt anyone, it’s not in any manner intended as a mockery or insults, these are my feelings which I’m sharing. I apologize if you feel bad reading this post.

India has a serious problem, it stems from old beliefs which are not in anyway fit to go along with progress. On the social media my nation does not have a good reputation. Millions of hard working people are putting their utmost to build a nation, hoping that they would set an example, that through sheer will and dedication anything can be achieved. But it takes only a handful to tarnish that hard work. Puts a bad name to an entire nation, its people and its culture, a place which was culturally open to the world ages gone by.

For a girl, there might be unknown monsters lurking behind any face, she can never know who it would be. There’s the cosmic horror when some sick excuse of a human being robs her of her dignity and cowardly scars her in more horrific ways both mentally and physically.

For an innocent child this gets even more chilling, when a stranger or even a known face can become a death of the child’s innocence. As a father, I’m somewhat guilt ridden to bring my child into this word. Once I had a nightmare that I lost her, I was trying to search for her everywhere, I woke up emotionally broken, cried with relief when I found her sleeping soundly. I held her hand, looked after her all night, scared that if I sleep the nightmare would haunt me again.

What I felt that night is only a fraction those parents, who face the pain of such immense loss everyday, whose children have become prey to some monsters. But I realized, I can only survive the nightmare, I can’t face such an injustice towards my child, my wife, my sister, my parents or any of my loved ones. But I know, that my daughter might have a difficult world when I’ll not be there.

It’s not a question of why those humans can’t control their urges, stopping themselves from crossing the thin line of becoming an agent of cosmic horror. The better one is why they come to the edge in the first place? The answer lies in very simple beliefs. Beliefs which are needed to go away. Belief that law is only maintained by police or courts of law in the first place, instead of believing that law is enforced by civil people. And it’s not easy to be civil. That is an empathy which needs to be seeded during the early ages.

In todays world it is enough for a girl to be just a girl, she has to be both, a girl and a boy, in her mind, same thing applies to a boys as well. One needs the sight and perspective of the other. That’s how a civil society is seeded where gender is not a classification, rather a resource towards something greater.

Today in the news I read about a tribal man being murdered by civil people, he was beaten because a sick mob thought it’s fine to harm that person, what he did was steal food, in a country where food is a basic right, ironic. Imagine what went through his mind. It breaks my heart only to imagine a fraction of it. The loneliness, degradation, disrespectful, humiliation and constant fear of what would happen next, while one of the depraved and sick person took a selfie with the victim. He died painfully, whats even more heartbreaking is that he might have been hungry, but he vomited before collapsing, he had to throw up before his death. All this because of something so insignificant, which can easily be overlooked and probably dealt with kindness and help. He’ll never get justice for the crimes against him. It doesn’t matter what he was, he didn’t deserve what happened to him.

This is not what civil people do, they don’t rape women thinking they are objects of pleasure and weak to prey upon, they don’t harm innocent children and they don’t perform a sick act of mob lynching.

We are going to leave a broken world to our children, they’ll unjustly pay for our sins. Makes me wonder, if the authors of cosmic horror genre used humans to create their monsters, Lovecraft somewhat did with his racial bias, and he did it very well. And when you realize that the monsters do lurk in humans, all you could do is feel ashamed and insignificant, there is just no closure.

It’s going to take thousands of years for us humans to accept the simplest of things, strong empathy, which seems to be running on trial version in our minds, but those of us who have it do cry helplessly, seeing this world getting out of control and into the hands of hopeless madness.

I just wanted to share my feelings, because the news these days makes me sad and worry alot. Please be safe and look after your loved ones. Again I apologize if my post hurts you in anyway.

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An awkward letter to self 

Dear me,

I have no idea how to begin with this letter. I have no pre-planned context, whatever I am writing here is close to rambling. I have some things to clear though, a lot of which I don’t yet properly understand. We humans are this way, Oblivious at first, then aware about this oblivion later. Ironically never knowing ourselves properly. Sometimes it’s terrifying to think about the essence of things. We find ourselves, being processed in a dream, where we can’t properly recall the early memories and forget about everything near death. And you play a very important role there. 

It’s kind of funny, knowing that you are me, I use you for addressing myself. I guess it’s because of the contradiction you present with. I follow my interest and you counter me with reason. I often wonder why I acknowledged you in the first place. Was it because of a primal survival instinct, to put myself in a predator’s shoe like the crows do? Or is it because I was alone? We humans talk ourselves often, we rely on the second opinion for clarity. That empathy made us become social I believe. It’s fair to say that I am happy for having you.

But this also causes problems. I am often too lazy to listen to you, not because I am inherently lazy, it’s because I don’t agree with you. I follow my interest, like a bully I suppress you, which leaves me with nothing to do. I keep resisting you because I am afraid if I listen, I’ll be meaningless, I’ll be boring, doesn’t that show how unaware I am of this paradox. You and I create a personality built on contradiction and paradoxes. I blame myself for not listening to you, but you didn’t provide me with a non-threatening enlightenment either. The personality we made is often against us, because when I suppress you, I am running away from responsibilities, but when I do things without interest, I find this existence without color. I now know that this world is beyond the limits of instincts and pattern recognition, I have to be open to your suggestions as well. Reason and interest are often at odds with each other because this is a tough world we humans have developed. Our primal instinct for disliking things is not our mistake, it’s a hunter/prey psychology of millions of years. So you can see why it is difficult to follow reason. Reason breaks a delicate balance in our psyche, made of contradiction and paradox, stabilized by Interest, a state in comfort zone. We resist rapid change, for which we have gone at lengths to persecute people. You are a harbinger of rapid change, perhaps a final gift from nature, to take over our evolution away from nanatural selection. Who knows?But finally I am aware of the fact that I have to let you be in power in a perfect harmony with me. 

Please don’t be threatening in presenting Reason. I know you can do that. We share the same mind, and we know laziness and failure is a lack of understanding between us. If only we were in mutual agreement, things would have been a lot different, maybe awesome as well. There are a lot of people who are lead by Reason, they make great careers and change the world, although they seem boring at first. I have no interest in changing the world, as changing this personality for the better is hard enough already. So I am really sorry for being, you know, unreasonable. Please find a way to be in perfect harmony with me. My dearest me, I have great expectations from you.

________________

I am often struggling with Reason and Interest. I am a interest oriented person. Most of us are perhaps. My tasks are often abandoned midway, I even get hasty in thinking. We can’t solve problems related to necessity through Interest, at least not always, through reasoning we can solve every problem. So aware of this situation I often pretend to have such conversations with imaginary ‘me’. ‘Science-ing’ this problem recursively as science questions itself. I often learn cool things, it was an interesting insight to share with everyone. I hope this would resonate with you. 

The invisible thread

There was a time when I had a lot of anger issues, I often kept grudges for others. I often wished hurtful things for others. Now those memories come crashing down on my guilt space. That guilt is their because now I understand a beautiful language of no words and because I can see an invisible thread connecting us all. We aren’t born bad, though there are exception, but deep down we all are connected deeply some how, by an invisible thread of empathy and compassion. At an average, in my experience, we can see around 80 new faces per day, on a planet containing 7 billion people it’s impossible to connect with everyone or even see everyone. Taking into consideration a small city, it would take years, sometimes forever to see all the faces. Still, in old ages kings conquered unknown lands. Today nations strangle other nations, wars bring extermination, fanatics take lives of unknown people for who knows what reason? People discuss about such subjects online, often feel good about someone’s death, without even knowing them. People hurting people, people envious of people, but what’s more beautiful than the same people often crying at a sight, which their mind can’t decipher. The same people sharing the pain and joy and awe in unison. We often see that in action during sports, election, a calamity, protests, conventions and in a lot many gathering of sorts. What I love most is communicating with unknown people without words. Specially In traffic here at my city, probably everywhere, where everyone wants to go first, some curse, some dent other cars, but often some people humbly give a sign and a beautiful smile of both recognition and request and we let them pass returning the same respectful gesture. That invisible thread of empathy goes much deeper than we often realize. Nobody wants to be bad, neither in their own image nor in others view as well, even after doing or saying something bad, we still wish not to be judged. Things go bump when we put our pride upfront, commanding to be respected. That’s not the way how it works. Good and bad are just our choices of action and speech. We all would always stand on the crossroads while others get a chance to go about their destination and we stand and wait for the lights to turn green, then we’ll follow a similar track in good rhythm, abiding the traffic rules, moving carefully side by side with others, thinking not to nudge them and not to dent ourselves as well. We’ll fight and argue with some people in disagreement at the same time we’ll admire, empathise and be respectful to others. Often we’ll call out if someone drops something, we’ll ship their things if they lost in transit. Our choices.
It’s not hard to put ourselves in others shoe. It’s a gift we all have in common, that’s why we often love the same things, we cry over others loss and do our best to aid an unknown person if needed. There are bad people in this world, who put themselves prior to others. There are those who have dysfunctions in their mind, which makes them do horrible things. But most of the time we’ll always spread the infection of smile to others over the tiny things which really matter. I’ve very few friends, but those who I have are my earnings in life. The world is too big, I can never see and know all the 7 billion people, but if I meet any of them, I know they too understand that language of no words.
Bowing to a good authority is not weakness, doing small things to cheer up someone is a thing of beauty. As we all crave for recognition, we can get that if we resonate the same way. Words are our tools, we can build anything with them, some would hurt and bring us enemies, some would help us earn some good people in our lives, whose stories will make us laugh and teach us a thing or two. The magic of empathy can be easily seen on the road while driving. Driving to a destination has both real life and philosophical meanings. We can learn great deal of good things by the simplicity of this world. Now I’ve taken down my short temper, for the 7 billion I can always be respectful and for the few I’ve earned, I will always be with them and I would do everything in my power to help and protect them if need be. As those few in my life have made me see the invisible thread of empathy and compassion, which connects us all beyond borders and barriers of language. Theses views are my own, I may be wrong, but being respectful to others never hurt my pride. I feel more human now than before, when I used to hate unknown people for no reason at all.